upon turning thirty-nine

Earlier this month I celebrated my thirty-ninth birthday.  Gulp.  Now time to embrace, live to the fullest, enjoy, and milk this last year of my thirties for all it is worth.  The good news is, mentally I don't feel a day past twenty nine.  Well, that is not entirely true.  Certainly I am bit wiser, a bit more humble, and a whole lot more aware of how fast time flows than I was ten years ago.  But, in many ways I still feel young. 

Rather than draw up another list of adventures and lofty goals for this year, I am going to keep plugging away on last year's list because there is still so very much to accomplish there and I still love all of those goals.  However, I am going to add a new list of a different sort.  Since my thirty eighth birthday, there was a little addition to the family.  (She is not so little anymore...almost a whole year old already!) She was the sixth addition, in total. 

What I really found out when I was in labor with Baby Juju almost a year ago is that this Mama of six has not been taking very good care of herself.  Although the labor had no complications, it was my hardest.  I was tired and undernourished, my spirit was lacking, my body was resistant.  In a word, I was weak.  Physically, mentally, and perhaps even spiritually depleted.

So far, I haven't done too much to reclaim that essential core strength.  Instead I have pushed through for the past year, just as I did when the contractions overwhelmed my exhausted body during that arduous labor. Having six children has rocked my world more than I anticipated.  It is at once thrilling, humbling, exhilirating, joyful, maddening and physically taxing.  And it is that last one--physically taxing--that has caught me unprepared. 

One of things I never realized when I was a young twenty-something just starting in on my mothering vocation is how physically demanding it is to run a bustling household.  Naive.  Now I know.  And I know that I need to get myself in better condition, because I want to be powered up for the whole game...my children's youth, their young adulthood, and, God willing, for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I've never been one to think it was selfish to take care of oneself.  On the contrary, clearly we are to tend to ourselves so we can give to others...love our neighbor as we love ourselves, our Lord prudently and succinctly instructs.  But, and this is not intended as an excuse, just an honest statement of reality:  It is so hard to find the time.  And, ironically, the energy. 

There can be no further excuses, no further delays.  My family is depending on me to take care of myself.  Physical, mental, and spiritual vitality is the well I draw upon to carry me through the days and I fully intend, with the Grace of God, to dig deep to fill that life-sustaining reservoir. 

There needs to be a plan, some lists and a routine.  But first, prayer, thought, discussion with The Prof, and reading.  Last summer, I read with great interest as a dear lady went on a similar journey of revitalizing and reclaiming her core strength.  (You can read her inspiring series here.)  I have pondered her ideas and plan to re-read them.  And then I'll share my thirty-nine before forty with you here.  A different sort of birthday list.  A different sort of year.