The Collision of Idealism and Reality or Pride vs. Humility

There was a day, not so very long ago really, that I was a self-described and proud-of-it Control Freak. Wanting to be in charge, at the helm, and solely responsible for all the day to day accomplishments-and failures- in my life. This was not reflective of an absence of faith, because I have always trusted God to show me the path for my life; but in the mundane, the details, there dwelt my pride, my vice, the shortcomings of my faith.

This intense drive for what I called "perfectionism" was the driving force behind many of my successes; it was the pride that drove me through high school, college and graduate school, it was the pride that planned a wedding, it was a pride that seemed to hold all the minutiae together. Control=Power and Power=Success...Oh Yeah!

And then God sent me children.

Because Providence had placed me, during my first year of marriage, in a position at a truly inspiring Montessori school, I had already begun to awaken to the possibility that control and perfectionism are not compatible with positive experiences in raising children. This was a very difficult pill to swallow, but I recognized the wisdom and have so often been grateful for all I learned during those years of association with that school.

Still, I had my ideal, my vision of a perfect family life: all that was necessary was to control the environment and I could indirectly control the direction of the family and my children, said I. Fool proof, I thought. Only now I know I was the fool.

There are a few guiding principles that I have clung to over the years, ideas that have survived the purging of control and self-centered idealism. Oh, I am still a fool in many ways and still let myself stumble into idealism with the inevitable subsequent bruise of disappointment from time to time. I call it The Collision of The Ideal and The Reality. When the two collide and the heart is set firm in Pride, the injuries are painful and the medicine bitter; but when the heart is soft with humility, such a collision can bring unforseen riches.

Since I am in the midst of my always unplanned, but seemingly regular, semi-annual "self-check/doubt everything I am doing mode", I may try to devote a couple of posts to exploring those "Guiding Principles" that have worked for our family, so far. Unless Reality intervenes.